I know I've been neglecting this blog lately, but honestly, I feel like there just hasn't been much to say in a long time! Actually, that probably makes it sound like we're (I'm) doing better than we are. I just felt like if I wrote anything, it would be all complaining. And I didn't want this to become just a place for me to complain. I do enough of that in real life. :)
Hubby Blue is still on the shift where we don't see each other, except he did have to switch to nights this week. This really has been rotten because it pretty much seems to take him at least a week to adjust to staying up all night, so he's just tired all the time or trying to catch up on sleep. And after this week of adjusting...he'll have to go back to the other shift. I feel so bad for him on days like today when he works until 6:00 am and has court at 10:00 am...and days like tomorrow, when he'll work until 6:00 am and have court at 1:00 pm. We live too far away for him to come home and sleep, so the poor guy has to do crazy things like sleep in his car. Just kidding...almost. :)
So, I don't know. Does this sound like complaining, or am I just telling it like it is? I'm not sure. At first when I would blog about things and read other blogs, it sort of helped me feel like I wasn't alone when I was having a hard time with my hubby's schedule. But now I'm feeling like it was more of a "misery loves company" thing. I guess I'm just at another point where it doesn't matter to me that other people are going through the same things I am...I'm still just as bummed that I never see my husband!
I will say, though, that I started going to a Bible study tonight, and I think it will be a really good thing for me. It's a Beth Moore lecture series on the book of Deuteronomy, and the whole theme is that God will bring you out (of the "wilderness") in order to bring you in (to your "promised land")...basically, that if you feel like you are wandering or feel like things are pointless, you need to have faith that there is a purpose to your life and that the time to see what God is pointing you towards is NOW. If I can be totally and extremely real here, I will admit that there have been moments in the last 4 months where I have really questioned what the "point" is of being married to a person I never see. I believe my Hubby Blue has had the same thoughts. Now, I completely and totally love my husband and we are 100% committed to each other and we refuse to become one of the statistics, as far as police families go. But it has been clear to me for quite a long time now that we cannot go on living the way we do. We have to make a change in our lifestyle if our marriage is going to thrive, not just survive. So I am hoping that this Bible study will give me the insight and the courage to discover how and what needs to change.
In the meantime, we're surviving. I'm just holding out for the end of my school year and hoping that having my days off will mean we have more time to be a normal couple. If I think a little bit more short-term, Hubby Blue's department will change shifts in March, so maybe he'll get on a different one then too. Time will tell! Until then, please forgive my lack of blogging. :) I'll post as often as I can!
You're definitely not alone. I was just thinking that I've hardly seen my husband lately. His days off have been split because he's covering for another supervisor & this last week he's also had to go in early almost every day. I feel like we're always passing in the doorway. I'll be coming home from picking kids up from school as he's leaving for work. Today we completely missed each other which left my 6yo in tears. (They may fight like cats & dogs, but she's daddy's girl 100%)
ReplyDeleteIt's tough and some days are better than others. I remember my hubby being on graves, but having to go to meetings or be at court in the middle of the day. There's no way to sleep. He still has that happen & he's on swing.
Hang in there. Leave notes for each other or voicemails. And not to be crude or get banned from your blog, but middle of the night, half asleep quickies can do wonders for a marriage. (Shhh.. You didn't hear it from me)
I feel you... have you guys thought about counseling??? What I'm about to tell you isn't to scare you but to give you hope...
ReplyDeleteProbably two years into our marriage... and our life being absorbed up with police life... Dan and I were on the verge of divorce. It wasn't that we didn't love each other, but I was completely miserable... feeling like I carried the world on my shoulders, alone all the time, and just pissed off at my husband.
We started off like you guys and it just festered until it got really bad between us. We ended up doing therapy for a year and a half. It really helped. Mostly I think it helped me to realize I need to stop being the victim in all this and it helped us to learn to communicate... I mean really communicate.
For the first time in a long time I feel like we are out of the depths of despair and enjoying each other again. It doesn't mean that his schedule is any easier... that I'm okay with being left at a restaurant to finish my dinner alone when he gets a call out... or that I'm not alone 6 out of 9 days... it just means that through therapy we have learned a lot of coping skills to get us through it all.
Look into it... it might be worth it... and most departments have programs that will pay for 8 weeks or more of therapy for the officer and their family.
I am not married to, nor dating a cop, but I do have a cop friend who I care about greatly as a person. So although I cannot relate to your posts I do have a great amount of respect for you (all of you police wives) and each of your husbands.
ReplyDeleteI am not sure if you have ever seen the movie 'Fireproof' but I'd suggest it if you did not. Not only that but I'd even suggest buying to book 'Love Dare'. If you're still against bribing in even more books into your house I've found that you can Google the dares. (Each day brings about a new 'dare'.)
Praying for both of you and each of our service men (and women!) Thank you for supporting your HB so that he can protect your city. (I'd say mine but I doubt you're in my 'Big City'.). :)
I am a police wife. Husband works 2 polar alternating shifts from 5a to 5p then 5p to 5a a month later. It's soo hard. It's normal to feel pain when we're just human. I fought hard with his administration when it dawn on me that they were doing this for a perfect business reason. To work shift work cuts a life span by at least 5 years. It also sever liability with the police nuclear family cutting away probable pension expense for the city administration's budget plan. It's all business. I am just thankful that I love what I do as a SAHM then a wife of my husband. I love him, and he loves what he does. The kind of condition he works is not meant for the curious or the confused. It's meant for people who have been called to be the hand of law--the guardian. I make time to be happy in between with my kids and we celebrate the time he's home. I constantly tune his mind and feelings to remind him to relax and let his guard down when he's home. I also remind him of ways he can take care of his body. It is the way it is.
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