I started this blog as a way to document the life I'm embarking on - as of right now - as a brand new police wife. My husband (who from here on out I'll call Hubby Blue) graduated from the police academy just two short days ago and is about to start his very first shift. Right now, he is full of excitement and anticipation; I have found myself simply overflowing with pride in him. I know that the life of the law enforcement family is not an easy one, and I want to be able to look back on this blog years from now and remember what it felt like when we were both new to this career and this way of life. I want to remember the eagerness we both feel and how happy we both are right now, and I want to be able to come back to this moment in time when we felt like we had the whole world in front of us.
Where do I even begin? I am brand new to blogging, but over the last few months when Hubby Blue was first hired and while he has been in the academy, I have found myself reading all the police wife blogs I can find. Lots of people have told me I shouldn't do this, that this will just make me worry more, but I feel the opposite is true. Should, God forbid, the unthinkable ever happen to my husband, there is some comfort in knowing that there is this community among police wives. No one goes through life alone, and I just want to be able to lean on others who are experiencing the same things I am.
Hubby Blue left the house a few hours ago for his first shift on FTO, the midnight shift. The last couple of days, after graduation, he and I were both focused on getting him adjusted to the night shift schedule. He stayed up all night last night, with the intention being to sleep all day. I woke up at a normal time and decided our bedroom was going to be way too bright as he continued to sleep. So, I creeped around, silently draping sheets and blankets over all our windows that already have "room-darkening" shades on them...as if they actually keep the room dark! Our room now looks like a fort, and I'm not sure I actually did any good at all, since HB woke up at 10:30 anyway! I was worried all day about him not being able to stay awake tonight, so I tried to stay pretty quiet and was glad when he decided to nap for a few more hours this afternoon.
As the afternoon continued on, I found myself feeling more and more nervous. Up until today, I was simply thrilled for Hubby! This job has been a long time coming (more on that later) and I have been able to see for the last few months how happy this career is making him. How could I be anything but thrilled for him? I know he has been so excited for this day, the moment he gets to put all this training to use and actually BE a cop. But as the start of his shift got closer and closer, I started to worry. Just two nights ago, an officer in a neighboring town was seriously injured on a night shift. How easily could that be my husband? I have never been crazy about the idea of sleeping at home alone, but I wasn't even thinking about that. All I could do was pray nonstop that God would bring my Hubby Blue home to me in the morning. I am a worrier by nature (more on that later too), and I wonder, will I worry like this before every shift? Forever?
We had dinner together, I sat on the bed while Hubby Blue got dressed, and then I waited while he got all his last minute gear loaded into his car. I made him promise to wear his bullet proof vest the whole time, and then I asked him to pray with me. He willingly did so, and (several) hugs and kisses later, he left.
I didn't expect to feel so worried, even though I'd read about wives who worry every time their husband walks out the door. I'm sure I'll get used to this. And, even amidst all the worry, I still feel a sense of pride, with a little bit of sadness mixed in, that I am married to a man who has such a good heart that he is willing to leave home on a Sunday night and walk the streets all night to keep people safe. We are both making a sacrifice, but it's one that - right now anyway - I feel kind of proud to make.
Until next time,
Wife in Blue