I had an interview yesterday. It went fine, pretty much your standard interview, I guess. I wasn't super nervous, which surprised me because I almost always am, but I think it's that I've now been a teacher for 6 years and feel like I can answer most questions and talk about most scenarios off the top of my head because I've experienced so many of them. Anyway, I felt like it went well, not super, but good. However, this morning, my school secretary called me into the office as I was passing by and told me the school had just called asking to speak to my principal.
Only...yesterday, I decided I didn't really want the job.
For one thing, it took me exactly 36 minutes to get to our new house from the interview. That's a longer drive than I have now, and like the situation we're in now, it's the opposite direction from Hubby Blue's work. It was either country roads (much more deserted ones than what I drive now) or the downtown section of another town...meaning bad traffic, two-lane driving, and potential horrors in winter. For another thing, it was a position in which I'd be the reading specialist for 4th and/or 5th grade students - not my favorite age. I love the little ones, and even though my current 5th graders have grown on me, they've never been my favorite part of the day.
But then there's my emotional reasons for not wanting this job. Or potentially ANY full-time job. Hubby Blue has been on his shift for almost 3 months now, and I'd say we're in a pretty solid routine...of never, ever seeing each other. We can literally go 4 days and not see each other awake once. We can go 5 days not talking more than 30 minutes a day. And then on one of Hubby Blue's days off, I'm at work all day. When I come home from work in the afternoons by myself, I pretty much waste a couple hours on facebook, pinterest, and blog-reading. I make dinner for both of us, eat it, clean it up, and put Hubby Blue's plate in the refrigerator. I watch TV. Sometimes, if I'm super motivated, I do laundry or go running or vacuum or something. Once in a while, I'll read. Pretty much, I hate every day! We came thisclose to adopting a husky over the weekend (that's a whole other story...HB found it in a park while he was working, took it to animal control, and then asked me if we could adopt it) because I am so incredibly lonely all.the.time. We didn't, but only because I did some research and found out that huskies are not your average dog. I just didn't think I could handle a dog that jumps over and digs under fences...you know, the fence we don't even have because WE'RE NOT PREPARED TO BE DOG OWNERS YET. Between all the time I've been putting in at the new house to get it ready to move into, I knew a dog was the last thing we needed right now, but I am so desperate for some company at night.
Anyway, excuse my tangent, because this post was supposed to be about my interview! The police schedule and the teacher schedule just don't mix in our house. We have zero time to talk about anything, be it housework, bills, how our money gets spent or not spent, what to make for dinner, what we did at work that day, anything. I'm sick of it. And while we're talking about housework, I do about 90% of it. Hubby Blue will sometimes help out if I leave a list, but I don't have time to make a list all the time, so pretty much I just do it myself. I'm tired of living this way where I work and do the majority of the housework too.
I understand my husband has a stressful job. If that means he can't or doesn't see the loads of laundry needing folding or the growing stack of mail to be sorted or the clutter all over the place or the dishes in the sink (sidebar: HB did, in fact, unload and load the dishwasher today), so be it. But I don't want to be dealing with all those things AND a full-time job. This is not what "pulling on the oars together" means to me.
People don't get it. Why should I give up my career for my husband's? Why can't we both work at what we're passionate about? Well, for one thing, I don't feel nearly as passionate about teaching as I used to. And for another, maybe I have to give up my career to have a happier life. You know that saying about how when you're dying, your job won't be there holding your hand but your family and friends will be? When Hubby Blue started this job, we said that if it came down to it, it would be better for me to not work than for us to lose our marriage. I still believe that.
Last night, Hubby Blue and I talked on the phone after he got off work, and he commented that the summer was going to be so nice because we could be on the same schedule. I could stay up for him to get home, sleep later, just be together more. And I replied that yes, our life does indeed seem to be much better when I'm on breaks from school. So if our life is good and we're happy when I'm not going to a teaching job, then why am I going to go be unhappy for the other nine months of the year?
I feel like if we had kids, this would be a no-brainer. I would be a stay-at-home mom, and my job would be raising our children and taking care of our house. But I feel harder to justify this change in careers since it's just us. I don't even know why I'm having such a hard time anyway, because it's not like I'd just do nothing. I'd just be working a little less...traditionally. Like I figured I'd substitute teach, and I'll be doing some work online, and maybe I'd tutor. Or get really good at sewing and sell stuff on etsy. I don't really know. But I feel like there are options!! That still doesn't make it less of a scary decision.
Any other police wives without kids out there who don't work? How did you make that choice? Are you happy with it?