Thursday, May 30, 2013


I had an interview yesterday.  It went fine, pretty much your standard interview, I guess.  I wasn't super nervous, which surprised me because I almost always am, but I think it's that I've now been a teacher for 6 years and feel like I can answer most questions and talk about most scenarios off the top of my head because I've experienced so many of them.  Anyway, I felt like it went well, not super, but good.  However, this morning, my school secretary called me into the office as I was passing by and told me the school had just called asking to speak to my principal.

Only...yesterday, I decided I didn't really want the job.

For one thing, it took me exactly 36 minutes to get to our new house from the interview.  That's a longer drive than I have now, and like the situation we're in now, it's the opposite direction from Hubby Blue's work.  It was either country roads (much more deserted ones than what I drive now) or the downtown section of another town...meaning bad traffic, two-lane driving, and potential horrors in winter.  For another thing, it was a position in which I'd be the reading specialist for 4th and/or 5th grade students - not my favorite age.  I love the little ones, and even though my current 5th graders have grown on me, they've never been my favorite part of the day.

But then there's my emotional reasons for not wanting this job.  Or potentially ANY full-time job.  Hubby Blue has been on his shift for almost 3 months now, and I'd say we're in a pretty solid routine...of never, ever seeing each other.  We can literally go 4 days and not see each other awake once.  We can go 5 days not talking more than 30 minutes a day.  And then on one of Hubby Blue's days off, I'm at work all day.  When I come home from work in the afternoons by myself, I pretty much waste a couple hours on facebook, pinterest, and blog-reading.  I make dinner for both of us, eat it, clean it up, and put Hubby Blue's plate in the refrigerator.  I watch TV.  Sometimes, if I'm super motivated, I do laundry or go running or vacuum or something.  Once in a while, I'll read.  Pretty much, I hate every day!  We came thisclose to adopting a husky over the weekend (that's a whole other story...HB found it in a park while he was working, took it to animal control, and then asked me if we could adopt it) because I am so incredibly lonely all.the.time.  We didn't, but only because I did some research and found out that huskies are not your average dog.  I just didn't think I could handle a dog that jumps over and digs under know, the fence we don't even have because WE'RE NOT PREPARED TO BE DOG OWNERS YET.  Between all the time I've been putting in at the new house to get it ready to move into, I knew a dog was the last thing we needed right now, but I am so desperate for some company at night.

Anyway, excuse my tangent, because this post was supposed to be about my interview!  The police schedule and the teacher schedule just don't mix in our house.  We have zero time to talk about anything, be it housework, bills, how our money gets spent or not spent, what to make for dinner, what we did at work that day, anything.  I'm sick of it.  And while we're talking about housework, I do about 90% of it.  Hubby Blue will sometimes help out if I leave a list, but I don't have time to make a list all the time, so pretty much I just do it myself.  I'm tired of living this way where I work and do the majority of the housework too.

I understand my husband has a stressful job.  If that means he can't or doesn't see the loads of laundry needing folding or the growing stack of mail to be sorted or the clutter all over the place or the dishes in the sink (sidebar: HB did, in fact, unload and load the dishwasher today), so be it.  But I don't want to be dealing with all those things AND a full-time job.  This is not what "pulling on the oars together" means to me.

People don't get it.  Why should I give up my career for my husband's?  Why can't we both work at what we're passionate about?  Well, for one thing, I don't feel nearly as passionate about teaching as I used to.  And for another, maybe I have to give up my career to have a happier life.  You know that saying about how when you're dying, your job won't be there holding your hand but your family and friends will be?  When Hubby Blue started this job, we said that if it came down to it, it would be better for me to not work than for us to lose our marriage.  I still believe that.

Last night, Hubby Blue and I talked on the phone after he got off work, and he commented that the summer was going to be so nice because we could be on the same schedule.  I could stay up for him to get home, sleep later, just be together more.  And I replied that yes, our life does indeed seem to be much better when I'm on breaks from school.  So if our life is good and we're happy when I'm not going to a teaching job, then why am I going to go be unhappy for the other nine months of the year?

I feel like if we had kids, this would be a no-brainer.  I would be a stay-at-home mom, and my job would be raising our children and taking care of our house.  But I feel harder to justify this change in careers since it's just us.  I don't even know why I'm having such a hard time anyway, because it's not like I'd just do nothing.  I'd just be working a little less...traditionally.  Like I figured I'd substitute teach, and I'll be doing some work online, and maybe I'd tutor.  Or get really good at sewing and sell stuff on etsy.  I don't really know.  But I feel like there are options!!  That still doesn't make it less of a scary decision.

Any other police wives without kids out there who don't work?  How did you make that choice?  Are you happy with it?


  1. I am in the process of finishing my undergrad in education! I started following your blog because you are in the same situation I will be in (or am already because I am going to school so hours are about the same). I'm already getting to the point where I'm nervous about how this will work because my LEO's schedule is completely opposite of mine. I go to work/school in the morning before he gets home and he leaves for work before I get home so there are at least 3 or 4 day stretches that I talk to him maybe 30 mins on the phone but don't see him at all! I honestly give you credit for thinking about making a change. I feel happiness is something you should always have. A job is a job. What's the point of going though it if your not happy?

  2. Okay, so I'm late on commenting on this but The Deputy and I JUST went through this exact conversation last week! I work a full time job, primarily take care of all the house stuff and am also Sunday School Director at our church (which is my LOVE). And sometimes I feel like I'm ready to break. I graduated in 2010 planning to be a teacher as well, that's what I love to do...I was so disappointed when all of our schools were laying off teachers and it was HARD to get a teaching job.

    But then I married a police officer. And sometimes I really feel relieved that I didn't get a first year teaching job in my first year of LEO marriage as well. Being married to a LEO not only means you married someone with a BIG load to carry, but that you also carry that load with him. Mostly, you help carry his load by trying to carry your whole load by yourself. Does it work? Is that the right thing to do? Who knows. And at what point do you keep giving up things off your load in order to carry what you already have a little easier?

    I promise, at least once a week I wish I could quit my job and just be a full time stay at home WIFE. I would love for once to be on top of everything of at home. Have a clean house, clean laundry, a full pantry, errands that actually get taken care of during the day. I'm "lucky" (I say with quotes because my job is BORING! lol) to have a job that I can leave at work when I'm off, and it's fairly flexible if things come up (like appointments) that I need to be at.

    But I completely understand where you're coming husband works a rotating night schedule and when he's on his shift, I know I won't have an actual conversation with him for the next 3 days. I'll just see him getting into bed when I'm getting up and see him leaving for work when I come home.

    And I guess I'm just venting with you, rather than being helpful lol...but I just wanted to say STAY STRONG! And most importantly, make your decisions based off what's best for your marriage. If you and your husband make a decision that's best for the both of you, don't listen to what other people say about you being expected to carry more than you can handle. Or tell you that you should demand that your husband helps out more at home. If he CAN, he should. The Deputy and I talked about the household load the other day, and looking at what he ACTUALLY has the time to do at home is pretty much limited to doing some dishes here and there and taking out the trash. But women who are married to men who work a regular 8-5, Monday-Friday job have a different perspective...and I can understand, their husbands should be doing more to help. But really, in a LEO marriage, it doesn't always work out that easily.

    Props to you for voicing your concerns to your husband about your load, communication is the such an important part of marriage...and if you staying home makes both of you happier, I say go for it!

    PS-We've had quite a few "almost dog purchases" too, I really wanted the company! lol I guess it's just part of the territory for LEO wives!

  3. I am in the same situation as you! Currently I have my dream job, but my LEO's job will transfer and I will have to quit my school and start again somewhere new. The scheduling is tough, as some days I am leaving for work and he is coming home. Then I walk in from a long day wanting to relax and see my man, and he walks out to serve and protect. What I have learned is that I have to value the time we do have together. A text is better than nothing, and I know he loves me because he will cook supper and leave a plate. He will do what he can to show me, and that is what keeps me warm at night when he is working all hours. I don't think it gets better and it is a tough call, I think you just do what is right for you. We don't have any children either, and the summer was amazing to have to freedom to be together on his schedule. The beginning of the school year has been hard for me too, but I don't think I could walk away from my job. Instead I just value the moments we have and wait like a kid on Christmas for the time we actually have a weekend off together, with nothing else to do.

    I think brave women marry LEO's, and we learn to cope with the difficult situations. Remember to do what YOU want to do and make sure you are happy. There is no right or wrong.

  4. I just recently came across your blog as I was googling police wife stuff. He has been in this job for about a year, but we have only been on opposite schedules since about July. It's really, really hard and I can completely relate to everything you are saying. I too wish I could be a stay at home WIFE, because we don't have any children yet either. It's just so much easier that way. I work 8-5 AM and I don't really see him except in the evenings on his days off when I get home from work. I often find myself wondering if this type of life is sustainable in the long term, but I really can only take it one day at a time. We also live in a new city so I don't have a big family/friend support group. We did get a dog about 6 months ago and I have to say it is the best decision we could have made. He keeps me company and gives me something to do every day when I get home. Dogs really do keep you busy! I hope you and your husband find what works best and look forward to reading more. Know that you're not alone!!


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