I had almost a whole blog post written about what life has been like this week since Hubby Blue started on the evening shift, and then Hubby Blue said, "I don't want you to blog about this."
So, let's just say...
FTO is hard. Really hard. Maybe even harder than the academy.
This week, I became even more aware of what my responsibility as a police wife is. During 4 days of evening shifts, wanna know how many face-to-face conversations we had? Three...and one was an argument! Quickly resolved, but definitely triggered by our lack of time together. After those 4 days, I was all set to tell HB we needed to figure out a way to make this shift work better for our personal life and find a way to see each other more. After our third conversation of the week, I realized that for the time being, our personal life has to take a backseat so that he can concentrate on becoming the best cop he can be. I'm beginning to feel like backseat thing is part of being a police officer's wife. Sometimes, our marriage coming first means it actually has to come last while the job comes first. I guess maybe a better way to put it is that putting your spouse's needs first means your own come last. My need for more time with my husband will just have to wait. And I'm okay with that for the time being.
When we were getting married, we received a letter from a very good friend of my husband's, and in it, he gave me the advice to "love him in the way that only you can and pick him up when he's down." Hubby Blue wasn't a cop yet (wasn't even really entertaining that idea yet actually), but lately I feel like that advice rings even truer these days. Who else but a police officer's wife understands the stresses he is under? At the end of the day, when the vest is off and the gun is locked away, the toll this job takes on a person is plainly visible. It makes you tired, overwhelmed, frustrated...
When the academy ended, we thought the 12- and 14-hour days were behind us. As it turns out, they're just getting started. If I am noticing anything, it's that my husband needs my love and support and prayers now more than ever. When I made those vows, I was promising to be there for him in good times and in bad, all the days of my life. It's a powerful thing, pledging to stand beside someone no matter what, but I would never, ever undo it.
Hey Blue,
ReplyDeleteWow, I couldn't help but choke on the lump in my throat as I read your post. My husband has been a cop only nine months, since he spent the first 8 of those months on days, I was NOT prepared for the marital challenges of the night shift. Ironically, about ten minutes ago I was standing in a Target parking lot tearfully discussing with my husband how hard this was, and how cut-off from him I've been feeling the last month, as if we were just roommates. It's been a such a struggle, and my faith has been so weak. What a blessing to sort through my blog reader before bed and read and hear just the words of encouragement I needed. I don't want our marriage to be just another divorce/LEO statistic, nor do I want to just "get-by" - I want our marriage to thrive, by the grace of God.
Thanks again for sharing you struggle, and your determination to selflessly serve your officer and husband. Your words have been a such a balm to a hurting heart tonight.
Rachael,
DeleteYour words have so touched my heart! I find it so amazing that we police wives can reach each other and connect in this way. I am really glad that something I said might have helped in some way. Hang in there and know you're not alone! Sometimes just knowing other people are dealing with the same things has really helped me. You guys will find a way!
First off, I'd like to say welcome to the family! I'm so glad that you stopped by so we could 'meet' each other :)
ReplyDeleteI've enjoyed reading through your blog and hope that you keep it up. You'll be amazed how far you guys have come after Hubby Blue has been on for a little while and you look back on these anxious first few months. Things DO get easier, you find a rhythm that works for you...a new normal.
It's so true when you said "who else but a police officer's wife understands the stresses he is under?" This is something that continues to stand-out to me about this career our men are in. I am his confidant and his support and it plays a major part in how he is able to deal with this job.
Thanks for your kind words of encouragement! Other people tell me we'll get used to it too, but it means a little more coming from someone who's been there before! Glad you stopped by!
DeleteIt is tough, but it gets a bit easier. You do find a new normal. You adjust if you really want to make it work. You learn that it's okay to celebrate holidays on other days, to talk at 2am even if you'll be tired in the morning because that might be the only chance you get to see him, to take a lot of pictures/video when you have kids, and find something to keep you occupied in the evenings.
ReplyDeleteMy hubby just worked swing shift (4p-2a). He's sleeping right now while I attempt to keep his 3 daughters quiet so he CAN sleep. It's so hard not to run in there and wake him up because I miss him. Being a police wife is tough and it certainly isn't for the faint of heart.
Thank you so much for saying this. I am finally learning the part about talking at 2am...you are right! And even with the short time I've been a police wife, I agree - it's not for the faint of heart. I really appreciate you stopping by!
DeleteAs always, I can completely relate. It's such a hard lifestyle adjusting to only seeing your hubby once in awhile. We try to really make the most of the time we can spend together and plan a fun date - even if it's a picnic or dinner together. Just like you said, you have to remember to stand strong on your vows and to trust God. Thanks for reminding us! It's so great we can have a community of police wives to rely on!
ReplyDeleteThe community I'm experiencing by blogging is blowing me away! What an amazing thing this is turning out to be. Thanks for the validation...still enjoying your blog too!
Delete