Friday Night Excitement

"Hey, wifey, how's your night going?"

"I'm writing messages with magnetic letters on our refrigerator.  How do you think my night is going?"

I can handle most nights of the week when my Hubby Blue is working, but Friday nights are the worst.  It's the end of the work week for me, I'm excited to be off for two days, I just want to relax with my hubby...and I come home to an empty house.  So, it's not that I had nothing better to do, but I spent this Friday night a little different than usual.

I might need more hobbies.

Time

Hubby Blue and I celebrated our 7th Valentine's Day together this past week, and thanks to him having Thursdays off, we actually got to celebrate it that day!  I don't know how we've lucked out so far for him to have every.single.holiday off (even the Hallmark holidays!), but I'm sure that'll start to change soon. :)

HB had made reservations for us at a steakhouse in town, so we enjoyed a way-too-expensive dinner and the most conversation we've had in weeks (months?).  (Sidebar: we were awkwardly sitting at a table right next to another couple who started arguing halfway through their dinner, and the husband eventually got up and walked out.  Being the cop he is, Hubby Blue whispers under his breath, "That'll be a domestic later.")  It kind of felt bizarre that we had that much time to talk without distractions, and then it felt weird that it felt weird.  Does that make sense?  We've gotten so used to never seeing each other and talking so little, that it almost felt unreal that we had so much time to spend together.  I also realized that it helps us to get OUT of the house on his nights off so that we actually spend the time paying attention to each other instead of the TV.

No doubt about it, being a cop and being married to one is hard.  It's almost more than I can think about when I realize that there is no end in sight to my husband's crazy schedule; this is our life.  I appreciate the suggestions to see a counselor or therapist to learn how to deal with it better...now if we can just get enough time off together to do that. :)  I kid, I kid!  I can't remember if we were at dinner or if it was the night before, but Hubby Blue whined to me at one point on his last two days off that one day he missed me so much that he "just wanted to throw up all over his squad car" so he could come home sick and be with me.  It's kind of pathetic and a little sad but also kind of hilarious and sweet in a weird sort of way.  Neither one of us was prepared for this life when we said, "I do," and it's proving to be the hardest test of our marriage yet.

That being said, I have faith that we will come through the challenges we're facing right now and have a stronger marriage because of it.  I'm not quite sure how, but we'll make it.  I am still probably the proudest LEO wife out there, and I intend to stay that way for a long, long time.

Surviving

I know I've been neglecting this blog lately, but honestly, I feel like there just hasn't been much to say in a long time!  Actually, that probably makes it sound like we're (I'm) doing better than we are.  I just felt like if I wrote anything, it would be all complaining.  And I didn't want this to become just a place for me to complain.  I do enough of that in real life. :)

Hubby Blue is still on the shift where we don't see each other, except he did have to switch to nights this week.  This really has been rotten because it pretty much seems to take him at least a week to adjust to staying up all night, so he's just tired all the time or trying to catch up on sleep.  And after this week of adjusting...he'll have to go back to the other shift.  I feel so bad for him on days like today when he works until 6:00 am and has court at 10:00 am...and days like tomorrow, when he'll work until 6:00 am and have court at 1:00 pm.  We live too far away for him to come home and sleep, so the poor guy has to do crazy things like sleep in his car.  Just kidding...almost. :)

So, I don't know.  Does this sound like complaining, or am I just telling it like it is?  I'm not sure.  At first when I would blog about things and read other blogs, it sort of helped me feel like I wasn't alone when I was having a hard time with my hubby's schedule.  But now I'm feeling like it was more of a "misery loves company" thing.  I guess I'm just at another point where it doesn't matter to me that other people are going through the same things I am...I'm still just as bummed that I never see my husband!

I will say, though, that I started going to a Bible study tonight, and I think it will be a really good thing for me.  It's a Beth Moore lecture series on the book of Deuteronomy, and the whole theme is that God will bring you out (of the "wilderness") in order to bring you in (to your "promised land")...basically, that if you feel like you are wandering or feel like things are pointless, you need to have faith that there is a purpose to your life and that the time to see what God is pointing you towards is NOW.  If I can be totally and extremely real here, I will admit that there have been moments in the last 4 months where I have really questioned what the "point" is of being married to a person I never see.  I believe my Hubby Blue has had the same thoughts.  Now, I completely and totally love my husband and we are 100% committed to each other and we refuse to become one of the statistics, as far as police families go.  But it has been clear to me for quite a long time now that we cannot go on living the way we do.  We have to make a change in our lifestyle if our marriage is going to thrive, not just survive.  So I am hoping that this Bible study will give me the insight and the courage to discover how and what needs to change.

In the meantime, we're surviving.  I'm just holding out for the end of my school year and hoping that having my days off will mean we have more time to be a normal couple.  If I think a little bit more short-term, Hubby Blue's department will change shifts in March, so maybe he'll get on a different one then too.  Time will tell!  Until then, please forgive my lack of blogging. :)  I'll post as often as I can!

Don't Shoot the Keurig

We were standing in the kitchen together, talking, Hubby Blue and me.  He gave me a hug, when suddenly his head snapped to the left.

"What was that?" Hubby whispered.

I hadn't heard it.

"Oh...it's just the Keurig.  Good thing I didn't just shoot the Keurig."