I know I've been neglecting this blog lately, but honestly, I feel like there just hasn't been much to say in a long time! Actually, that probably makes it sound like we're (I'm) doing better than we are. I just felt like if I wrote anything, it would be all complaining. And I didn't want this to become just a place for me to complain. I do enough of that in real life. :)
Hubby Blue is still on the shift where we don't see each other, except he did have to switch to nights this week. This really has been rotten because it pretty much seems to take him at least a week to adjust to staying up all night, so he's just tired all the time or trying to catch up on sleep. And after this week of adjusting...he'll have to go back to the other shift. I feel so bad for him on days like today when he works until 6:00 am and has court at 10:00 am...and days like tomorrow, when he'll work until 6:00 am and have court at 1:00 pm. We live too far away for him to come home and sleep, so the poor guy has to do crazy things like sleep in his car. Just kidding...almost. :)
So, I don't know. Does this sound like complaining, or am I just telling it like it is? I'm not sure. At first when I would blog about things and read other blogs, it sort of helped me feel like I wasn't alone when I was having a hard time with my hubby's schedule. But now I'm feeling like it was more of a "misery loves company" thing. I guess I'm just at another point where it doesn't matter to me that other people are going through the same things I am...I'm still just as bummed that I never see my husband!
I will say, though, that I started going to a Bible study tonight, and I think it will be a really good thing for me. It's a Beth Moore lecture series on the book of Deuteronomy, and the whole theme is that God will bring you out (of the "wilderness") in order to bring you in (to your "promised land")...basically, that if you feel like you are wandering or feel like things are pointless, you need to have faith that there is a purpose to your life and that the time to see what God is pointing you towards is NOW. If I can be totally and extremely real here, I will admit that there have been moments in the last 4 months where I have really questioned what the "point" is of being married to a person I never see. I believe my Hubby Blue has had the same thoughts. Now, I completely and totally love my husband and we are 100% committed to each other and we refuse to become one of the statistics, as far as police families go. But it has been clear to me for quite a long time now that we cannot go on living the way we do. We have to make a change in our lifestyle if our marriage is going to thrive, not just survive. So I am hoping that this Bible study will give me the insight and the courage to discover how and what needs to change.
In the meantime, we're surviving. I'm just holding out for the end of my school year and hoping that having my days off will mean we have more time to be a normal couple. If I think a little bit more short-term, Hubby Blue's department will change shifts in March, so maybe he'll get on a different one then too. Time will tell! Until then, please forgive my lack of blogging. :) I'll post as often as I can!