Saturday, October 20, 2012

On Schedules


Earlier this week, I had to cancel some plans with friends.  I made these plans two weeks ago, when Hubby Blue was supposed to be on evenings and working Fridays.  As I mentioned, it was like I blinked and his schedule changed.  He's still working nights and Fridays are the only part of the regular weekend he has off.

When I told my friends I wouldn't be able to make it on Friday because that was HB's day off and that we hardly get to see each other these days, I got this question:

"He's working nights now, huh?"
<Yes, yes he is.>
"So doesn't he sleep all day and you have all night together...?"

No, actually it doesn't really work like that.

HB sleeps until 1:00 or 2:00 (if he's lucky), he's awake when I get home from work at about 4:30 or 5:00, and then he goes to sleep again from about 5:30 to 7:30.  We eat a quick dinner before or after his pre-shift nap (sometimes together, but more often not), and he leaves for work by 8:15.  Call me crazy, but at least a few days a week I try to get in some kind of a workout when I get home from work, and when it's nice out like it still is this time of year, I prefer to run outside, which I can't do in the dark.

So what gives?  Should I expect HB to skip the nap and then be falling asleep all night?  He's in a career where he needs to be at his best and totally alert 100% of the time; his life depends on it.  Sorry to sound so dramatic, butttttt it's kind of true.  So, no, I'm not going to ask him to give up sleeping.

We tried to make plans with a group of couples a few weeks ago.  We used to all live within an hour of each other but in the last few months we've gotten much more spread out.  Due to HB's schedule and other non-negotiables on other couples' schedules, we only had two days out of three months to pick from.  Neither date worked for one of the couples, so we just won't see them for who knows how long.  We tried to make other plans with another couple on a Friday night because it was the only weekend day HB had off.  The other couple couldn't come because they're just too tired on Fridays after work.  I get that, but our only option was a Friday.  If we can't hang out on Friday, then we can't hang out at all.

(We need police friends.)

It's difficult for other people to understand the schedule we're on now, and that is frustrating to me.  Again with the drama (I'm good for that), but I feel like this: the schedule is part of the job, the job is part (a BIG part) of Hubby Blue, so if you can't or won't at least try to try to be flexible with us, EVER, you must not care that much about seeing us.  I realize our friends didn't sign up for this the way Hubby Blue did, but it's his job.  Sorry 'bout it! :)

ON THE OTHER HAND, it really, really makes me appreciate the people who are willing to change their plans for us.  When people accept and work around this crazy schedule, it tells me they are good friends.  Those are the friends I am most grateful for these days.  And during what's sure to be a challenging time in our life, those are most definitely the people I want to surround myself with.

*Side note: Hubby Blue and I had an awesome Friday night together on his day off...we had a fantastic dinner out, we rented the movie Bridesmaids (hilarious) and just got to spend some time talking and being together.  I love the feeling of TIME!  I don't feel like I have to cram all the topics and questions I need to discuss with him into one long "heyIneedtoaskyouaboutthisthisandthiscanwetalkaboutitnow??"sentence before he rushes out the door or heads up to bed to nap.  So, suffice it to say, I know I made the right choice in cancelling my plans and spending the night with Hubby Blue.  He will always, always come first, every time.


  1. Hi fellow wife! The schedules do suck - they are down right awful. I can completely relate in your frustration with non-flexible friends and with your appreciation of flexible ones. Officer has Friday's off, too and luckily I only work half-day Fridays. We take that time to have a little afternoon date. Ha, it's not much, but it's all we get. If no one else can appreciate that time, then I will take full advantage of it! (: You will make police friends before you know it and then you'll be blogging about how you need non-police friends! Really enjoying your blog - keep it up!

  2. It is funny how the longer Dan has been a cop the more time we spend with other cop friends than we do our old friends. A book I read recently said this usually happens because as time passes your old friends can't relate to you and you have trouble relating to them because your life becomes so "police" involved. Dan still has old friends, but he mainly spends time with his police buddies in his spare time. I tend to spend my spare time with police wives more now than I do my old friends.... sad but true.


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