Two weeks ago, I was worried out of my mind when HB left for his first night shift.
Two weeks ago, I was pretty scared myself of staying home alone at night.
Two weeks ago, Hubby Blue was supposed to be on nights for one week and then switch to evenings for a few weeks.
Two weeks ago, I said that if I could always just remember that he was happy doing this job, I could handle anything.
Tonight, I felt a lot
Tonight, I feel a lot less scared of staying home alone.
Tonight was supposed to be the start of HB's weekend...
I read on some other police wife's blog or in some police wife's book that she'd learned to stop making plans on her husband's days off because his schedule changed so frequently. I found that hard to understand and also knew I didn't want to live my life like that, without making any plans ever, but like everything else, that too happened to us, and it happened after only ONE week on the job! It actually worked out in our favor, as Hubby Blue was supposed to work the night of a wedding we'd been invited to, and with the change, he now got to stay for the whole reception, instead of leaving after dinner. That was an amazing surprise and I was so grateful to have him there. However, the change in schedule also meant he'd have to continue working nights instead of switching to days.
I guess he and I both need to get used to the night shift (because very likely this is the shift he'll be on come Christmas), but it is much, much harder than we both anticipated. On paper, it doesn't look that bad--he works when I sleep, I work when he sleeps, we see each other at the end of my work day and at the beginning of his. So in that sense, this shift is not all bad because we do have those waking hours together. But I definitely miss going to bed and waking up with this wonderful man I married!
It's wearing on both of us, and even though it's only been two weeks, I pretty much had a meltdown earlier this week about it! I just broke down, reminded him what I'd say about being able to handle this if I just knew he was happy, and asked Hubby to tell me whether he was happy or not.
He said, "I love this job. I love what I am doing. I feel like I have a purpose again."
And my heart smiled, just like it did on that police academy graduation day two weeks ago. How did we wind up being so blessed that we are both in careers that we love...more importantly, we have each other, we have our health, we have wonderful family and friends in our lives, and we have a lifetime of opportunities and experiences ahead of us? I took a deep breath and said, "Okay. We can do this." And we will.