Tonight, while I write this, Hubby Blue is in the middle of his very first night in a squad car by himself.
AHHHHH!!! Just kidding. :) But in all seriousness, I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous for him all day. He was so excited, though, that I can't help but be excited for him. He's so close to the end of FTO...we can taste it. I just wish it wasn't this particular shift. I would have loved to wait up for him and hear allllll about it...but I can't very well stay up until 2:00 am this morning AND be bright and cheery for the kiddos tomorrow morning. I did take some advice that one of you dear readers left in the comments a couple days ago, and we prayed together before I left for work since I wouldn't be seeing him before he had to leave. It seems to have helped. That, and staying on top of my Bible reading plan (!) too. I read some good Psalms tonight that were very calming.
I really need to get better at leaving Hubby Blue lists though. I nearly made myself late for work this morning chopping up meat and veggies for a crock pot stew and TOLD (not wrote down!) Hubby Blue to put it all in the crock pot at about 10:30 so he could eat before leaving, and then just to leave it on warm for me. I also TOLD him I needed the storage bins from above the rafters in the garage to put all the Christmas stuff away (don't judge...we still have our Christmas tree up...and it's actually smelling as Christmas-y as ever right now). I shouldn't be surprised because I know how much better Hubby Blue does with a list but...let's just say I had French toast for dinner and our tree is still decorated. Oh well. There's always tomorrow! (It's kind of like how when Hubby Blue gets off work for his "weekend," he needs to spend pretty much the whole first day decompressing...when Hubby Blue goes back to work, I need to spend the first night by myself being lazy...ha. :))
Anyway, when I got home at 6:00 tonight, my first reaction to no dinner and no storage bins was, pretty naturally, extreeeeeeme annoyance. I was thisclose to firing off an angry text message to Hubby Blue about both things when, thankfully, I caught myself. Something inside me was just nagging at me to remember that this was really not that big of a deal. My husband was literally just starting his shift, his first solo shift, and he needed to be fully present and focused on his situation - at least that's how I would like to imagine him so that he comes home safe. How selfish would it have been of me to text him with some petty complaint? No, I decided, this is not the time; it can wait.
And I'm glad I did wait. I love me some French toast, and I never get to have breakfast for dinner when Hubby Blue is home! It gave me time to relax and remember not to sweat the small stuff. I started the crock pot anyway, and we'll just eat it tomorrow. No big deal, right?! Right. Most of the time we think technology is such a great thing, with all the convenience it provides...and yet it could also have done a lot of damage to a relationship in the few seconds it takes to type out a text message. (I'm pretty sure I only say this because I just watched an episode of Dateline about going on a "digital diet" or "digital detox" but still. Scary and sad.)
As one final note, Hubby Blue did give me a surprise call (he rarely is able to call while he's working), and he is LOVING tonight. I am just so proud of him and so happy that he is so happy. The man who once thought he'd only find happiness as a machine gunner in the infantry...has arrived. I think he's finally there again. :)