Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Marriage is Not About Sleepovers

If you're on Pinterest, you might have seen this quote: "Marriage is getting to have a sleepover with your best friend every single night of the week."  Now, I don't mean to sound bitchy, but that quote bugs me so much.

Pardon me for saying this if you were someone who thought that was cute, but I can't think of a much more immature way to think about marriage.  I sure hope the person who said it didn't mean that being married is only about having sleepovers every night, but as a police officer's wife, my first thought when I read that was that marriage is not at all about having sleepovers every night.  In fact, some days, marriage isn't even about being together all the time either.

No, for us, marriage is so much more than sleepovers and togetherness.  Marriage is complete and total support for your partner.  Marriage is sacrifice.  Marriage is waking up in the middle of the night so your spouse can tell you about his shift.  Marriage is a pretty severe eye twitch (and getting worse!) because you can never quite rest easy when your partner is on the streets.  Marriage is pulling on the oars together when times are tough.  Marriage is listening to each other.  Marriage is give and take.

Marriage is sometimes just letting the other person cry or scream or stomp or rant.  Marriage is putting your partner's needs above your own.  Marriage is picking up the slack for the other person when they just can't quite make it all the way.  Marriage is a lunch left for your spouse in the refrigerator every single day, even when making it makes you late for work!  Marriage is about making your spouse's life a little easier.  Marriage is driving down the street like a bat out of hell to take your spouse his duty belt, his training manual, his coffee mug because he forgot it, he doesn't have time to turn around, and he'll be in big trouble if he doesn't have it.

Marriage is saying a prayer every single time your spouse leaves home that he will come home safely.  Marriage is praying with all your might that you will see him again in 8 or 10 or 12 hours.  Marriage is encouraging each other in all things...that you can accomplish something, that things will work out, that life will get easier.  Marriage is neglecting the whole world if it means prioritizing your partner.  Marriage is taking your spouse's side against the rest of the world.  Marriage is being the proudest person in the room, clapping the loudest, smiling the widest, when your spouse graduates from college...and then from the academy.  Marriage is standing beside your husband when he's sworn in, silently swearing to support him and love him and encourage him in his career.  Marriage is believing in each other, even when you don't believe in yourself.

Marriage is saying I love you for you, with all your flaws, all your imperfections, and all your downfalls.  Marriage is saying I will always love you, no matter what.  Marriage is saying I forgive you, even when you spend all our money on police gear!  Marriage is creating a life together.  Marriage is dreaming and hoping for the future together.  Marriage is trust.  Marriage is mutual respect for each other.  Marriage is saying I understand.  Marriage is sleeping alone so your partner can fulfill a dream.  Marriage is nights alone because you are married to a police officer, and crime doesn't just happen between the hours of 9:00 am and 5:00 pm.

Marriage is hard, marriage is messy, and marriage is tough.  But marriage is also beautiful, marriage is also a blessing, and marriage is also a privilege.  Marriage is not about having sleepovers every single night of the week.  Dare I say it...if you think marriage is just about having sleepovers with your best friend, I think you're missing out.  No, I do not need to sleep next to my husband every night to know that ours is a marriage that's going to last.  I am a cop's wife, and I'll take my beautiful, messy marriage over a marriage built on sleepovers any day!


  1. A terrific post that had me nodding, smiling & snickering. I had to drive 20mi on thanksgiving to bring my hubby his radio & training manual because he left it at home.

  2. I have read your blog from start to finish tonight, it's crazy because the words you have typed seem like they came right out of my mind! My husband just celebrated his one year with our local police department. It's been a crazy amazing year, he started Jan 2nd and on March 20 I found out I was pregnant, what a blessing insurance started march 1s, we got lucky! My husband does a month of days 7-3 and the a month of nights 11-7 so it hasn't been so bad because at the very least we always get to have dinner and a few hours at night together, but add the pregnancy hormones along with the huge lifestyle change and its been a crazy ride! My husband loves his job right when he found out I was pregnant did second guess his career choice but in the end there is nothing he would rather do more so I support him and just remind him daily to be careful and the only time he needs to be a hero is for his son, so h number one job goal is to come home every day! Just some advice from one LEOW to another if the winter months are really that hard n you plan a summer/spring baby when the time comes! I woudnt trade anything for how it all worked out but being n the middle if flu season stuck in a house alone as a FTM with a newborn while my husband is on midnights has been a hard at times, I miss my husband sleeping next to me at night! It's been 2 months because while he was in days he stayed in the spare bedroom, didn't want him waking up every two hours to a hungry baby and then have to work, our men need there sleep to be safe on the job! Anyways I just wanted to say I have enjoyed your blog very much and you are doing a great job being a LEO wife, it takes a strong person from what I have been told! Good luck with the next years to come, and let us hold true to our marriages and be that other 25% that make it!
    (Sorry for all the typos I am on my phone up with little man for his late night feeding typing with one hand)

  3. Beautifully written. Being married certainly isn't easy (though its good parts far outweigh its bad parts, and it is a lot of fun!) and being married to a cop is even harder. Hopefully, things will get easier for you with time-I've been with mine for 8, and married for 5, and he's been on the street for five-and its gotten just a little bit easier every year. And thankfully we have a God we can turn to when the times get rough, when we need strength or easing of fears. I can't imagine what it would be like to be a cops wife without God-I would be a nervous wreck. Anyways, just wanted you to know I like what you wrote, and I can relate to a lot of it (especially the taking of gear to them, you'd think they would be able to remember everything since they use it everyday but every once in a while they completely forget something).


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